It’s almost Halloween! You know what that means… Time to get dressed up as your favorite movie character or shitty pun and show up to a party where the scariest thing that happens is that one your friends ends up drunk on top of the roof threatening to jump into the pool that’s way too far away and he’s definitely going to hit the porch unless he suddenly grows wings. But that’s the fun of being scared, isn’t it? The Danger? Or the perceived danger, anyway, followed by the relief that nothing bad actually happened. So, what you do is put an air mattress under your friend so he doesn’t break his leg and, if he’s lucky, he might actually bounce into the pool. In any case, swimming while drunk can also be dangerous, so don’t let him stay in there too long. Why are we even at this party? We always end up being the den mom. Where’s the bowl of Tootsie Rolls?

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